Women Before 10am

To you,
you mindless,
you yokels,
talking long and loud
in voices
that are busting
my lady parts
trying to impress.
My advice to you
is this:
SAY LESS.
You will seem smarter
and you may yet
prevent
your murder.

Animals

Have you forgotten what we were like then
when we were still first rate
and the day came fat with an apple in its mouth
    
it's no use worrying about Time
but we did have a few tricks up our sleeves
and turned some sharp corners
    
the whole pasture looked like our meal
we didn't need speedometers
we could manage cocktails out of ice and water
    
I wouldn't want to be faster
or greener than now if you were with me O you
were the best of all my days

- Frank O'Hara

okokokok

Someone got here by Googling 'i hate Shanghai'. Someone got to my tumblr by Googling 'women taking a huge poo'. I'm happy about the syntax in that search request.

This little guy had a busted wing. We found him playing Chinese chess looking over Lake Michigan.

Belated July 4

Now, these creepy dudes are perching on a residence in Morningside Heights, pointing at shit and leering. Look, he's got a chicken.

And Matt's got a dick balloon.

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Is it ridiculous to think that humans are the only living organisms that have the capacity to understand what their greater purpose is in life? Is this what it means when we say dolphins are smarter than us, and they might just be extraterrestrials waiting for evolution to gift them some thumbs so they can officially take over the aquatic world? Humans just don't understand water at all, do they? Wasn't there a NASA study in 1997, or somewhere thereabouts that concluded that all the water on the planet came to earth in the form of ice comets? Water is not of this planet at all. why doesn't anybody take that fact seriously?We are 70% water. Does this mean we're not of this planet either? I do not beleive in science, in the same way that I do not beleive in conventionally accepted religion; both become a means of explaining away the unexplainable so everybody feels cozy and comfortable and they'll smile a little and slip on their Hello Kitty slippers and maybe pad off to the kitchen to put the kettle on for some tea or hot cocoa, with big marshmallows, the flavored gourmet type, and a little dish of speculoos. And yet! Things are not things! An atom can be two places at once, and can we really comprehend what that means, what this supposes?! What events in the past are true if everything from the past has been displaced? hOw cAN yoU bE SuRE yOu'Re eVEn rEAdInG tHiS rIgHt NoW?!! Mathematics I can get behind. And olfactory activity. These are the things parades, mini cupcakes, and cucumber sandwiches are made of.

Bjork said, "I don't think you can rehearse singing. It's like rehearsing sex, like going to your boyfriend and saying, OK, let's first rehearse for half an hour and then have some sex."

Happy Hour

1. I saw a woman with a child at the intersection and the way the little girl was looking up at her seemed so mature and so endearing and so knowing, I felt extremely touched by this moment and wanted to get a closer look. As I approached them, I saw the girl was actually a little person in her 30s and I felt really insane.

2. As people packed into the overstuffed train, I heard the following conversation, yelled:

"I can't get in, Bob. I cant get on."

"..."

"Bob, I can't get..." "I HEARD YOU."

"Okay, I'll be behind you. Bob. I'll be..." Doors shutting.

Bob proceeds to sigh and mock his pal loudly and self-consciously. I felt sad.

3. I keep my iPod down really low so I can fake pre-occupation and also take in what's around me. But the volume of the music makes it very surprising. I hear things I don't hear at full volume. It's nice.

4. Blonde bitch on the phone next to me, I wished severely to impale her face into the window, breaking both.

5. This wine tastes like vinegar and red.

Truth #1

Someday
someone
(not homeless)
will gift me
a poem
or a letter
he has written,
typed from
a typewriter
onto heavy kraft paper,
and also
an accompanying cd
of the sounds
the typewriter made
reverberating
while I try to fall asleep,
I am sure of it.

I Will Name Her Tuesday

I'm not usually a fan of small dogs, but dudes, I need a teacup yorkie right now. The KP is flying high on her rooftop laboratory perfecting the necessary splicing to create the long-anticipated corgi-wombat hybrid and when he is finally unveiled, I will balance atop his head the tiniest of teacup yorkies. World peace: achieved.

Come!